Four Wishes
by auroraborealus
Summary: What happens when Santino finds a rusty old lamp at a garage sale? Well he rubs it of course and hilarity ensues. Just a silly little story I wrote for total fun.
1. Chapter 1

Santino Marella knew a bargain when he saw one.

He picked up the battered bronze oil lamp out of a box of similar antiquey looking items labeled '$5 each or five for $20', and turned it over in his hands. It was tarnished and slightly dented but the ornately curved handle and intricately carved body had caught his eye immediately. The lid was topped by what looked like some kind of clear red crystal. With a little cleaning and care, it could be a very cool piece to display, a great conversation starter!

Santino loved antiques and had a fairly large collection at home. When he spotted the large, handwritten sign nailed to a light post on his way to the next WWE event, "Estate sale: Today only. Lots of antiques!" he'd turned down the rutted dirt road without hesitation. At the end of the road was a large, dilapidated house. Weeds were growing up in the cracks of the driveway and the house was in desperate need of paint and repairs. The 'antiques' turned out to be some old furniture, most of it broken and boxes and boxes of miscellaneous junk, old records, knick knacks, toys and this box of metal ware, old pewter tankards, bronze plates, cast iron sculptures and this unusual lamp.

Santino dug his wallet out of his pocket and pulled out five dollars.

"I would like to buy this lamp" he told the middle aged woman minding the sale.

She looked at what he had and her eyes widened, "How the hell…sir I wouldn't buy that thing If I were you."

Santino was mystified, "But why not? It would great on my coffee table!"

She shook her head, "It's dangerous, wouldn't you rather have this painting of Elvis? I'm told it's a one of a kind."

Santino shook his head firmly, "No, I will take this lamp." Without further argument, he shoved the five dollar bill into her hand and started to walk back to his car.

"You'll be sorry!" The lady shouted after him but she made no further move to stop him.

Santino hopped into his car, shaking his head. That woman must be a little crazy. Why would he be sorry for getting such a great deal on a cool antique? He pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and began to polish the bronze. It should shine up nicely and he could find a metal worker to take out the small dent.

Without warning, a huge spurt of smoke came pouring out of the spout of the lamp, shooting right into his face. Santino sputtered and dropped it on the car seat. What the heck? The inside of the car was filling up with smoke, he tried to open the door but it was stuck, the handle refused to budge.

"Hey!" he yelled, alarmed,"Hey, help! Help!" He began to pound on the closed window.

The smoke seemed to coalesce and solidify into a vaguely human shape, a very large human shape wearing what looked like parachute pants and a purple vest across his huge bare chest.

He looked kind of like…

"Khali?" Santino choked, waving the residual smoke away.

The vaporous form looked down its aquiline nose at him, "I am the genie of the lamp." It intoned in a sonorous voice. "What is thy wish, my master?"

Santino stared at him with his mouth open, "Wh-wh-who are you?"

The genie looked at him with an expression of faint annoyance.

"I am the genie of the lamp. What is thy wish, my master?"

Santino put a hand to his forehead,"Ah…._mio di, _I must be working too hard. Santino, snap out of it." He closed his eyes and slapped himself hard across the face, once, twice, three times.

When he opened his eyes again the genie was still there, watching him impassively.

Santino licked his lips,"So, you are really a genie?" he asked in a small voice.

The genie nodded.

Santino took a deep breath and let it out,"And you are here to give me three wishes?"

The genie said," I have been imprisoned in the lamp for over 30 years. Thus, in gratitude for releasing me, I shall grant you four wishes. But make them wisely."

A smile slowly spread across Santino's face. Four wishes! This was too good to be true! He could do anything he wanted to! What should he wish for first?

He caught a glimpse of himself in the rearview mirror and frowned. Well, there was one thing he'd always wanted…and it wasn't really a waste of a wish since he did get three more…

"OK," he said,"I wish women found me irresistible!"

The genie nodded, "Done" he said and vanished.

Santino closed his eyes and braced himself, expecting some kind of jolt or shock or even a mild tingling. But nothing happened. Slowly, he opened his eyes and looked at himself in the mirror.

Ahhhh…disappointment. He had expected some kind of improvement but he still looked the same as he always did. He looked at the lamp, "Hey, I wasn't necessarily asking for Brad Pitt but you couldn't even give me…say…Hugh Jackman?"

The lamp was silent.

"Hello?" Santino tried rubbing it again but with no result. Was he going crazy? Disgusted, he tossed the lamp into the back seat.

By the time he got to the arena for Monday Night Raw he had all but forgotten about his little detour. He had a match tonight against the Miz and he intended to put on a good show. As he made his way to the locker room he passed Kaitlyn, a cute little diva with two tone hair that he knew in passing. He nodded to her, said a friendly "hi". She nodded back, gave him a detached smile, and then seemed to do a double take, turning around to look at him again.

"Uhm, Santino?" She said.

"Yes?" He looked back at her. She was staring at him as if she'd never seen him before. She slowly approached him, looking him up and down.

"Do you have a match tonight?" She asked.

Santino nodded, a little discomfited. She was standing really close to him. "I do, against the Miz."

"Wow," she said, her expression rapt as if he'd said the most fascinating thing in the world. "Well, let me wish you good luck."

She reached up and planted a kiss on his cheek.

"Oh, uh,t- thank you" Santino stammered, backing away slowly. What had gotten into the girl? "I have to get ready for my match now."

She gave him a wide, sunny smile, "I'll see you later, after the show, Santino!"

"OK," Santino said and hurried away. What was that all about?

"Santino!" A sharp voice whipcracked. He jumped and turned to see Beth Phoenix watching him from the women's locker room doorway.

"Beth!" he said, surprised. He and the Glamazon had once been an item but since dumping him she had barely even acknowledged his existence.

Beth sidled out of the doorway and positively slinked over to him, her statuesque curves moving in a way that made his eyes nearly pop out of his head.

"Uh, Beth, how have you been?" he asked.

She smiled, her blue eyes fixing themselves on his, "I've been good, Santino. How have you been?"

"Well, you know, working, traveling, the same thing." He said. She laughed and put her hand on his chest, gently playing with the buttons on his shirt. He gulped nervously. She was almost of a height with him and when they were going out, she routinely beat him in arm wrestling matches for fun. Still, she had been just as…athletic…in other ways as well.

"You know, Santino, I've kinda missed you lately," she purred, her hand moving up to caress his face. "I've been thinking that maybe we could have a second chance?" She slid her hand around the back of his head and pulled him in for a kiss.

Shocked, he resisted for a split second, then shrugged and let her kiss him. There were worse thing than being kissed by a gorgeous Amazon! She kissed him hard, nipping his bottom lip between her teeth before letting him go.

"I'll talk to you later, lover," she said.

"I look forward to it," he said with a grin and resumed on to the men's locker room.

Beth wanted to get back together with him! It must be the wish he'd made! Well, that was OK. He'd always liked Beth and if she wanted to take another shot at Glamerella he certainly wasn't going to turn her down.

He whistled jauntily as he changed for his match. He wondered what he should wish for next. A title run? No, no, no, something bigger. Money? No, no, no. King Santino! He paused, yes! He would be a great and benevolent ruler. His people would love and adore him!

"Santino!"

He snapped out of his daydream. One of the production crew was at the door.

"Your match is up next!"

Oops. He quickly laced up his boots and made his way out to the arena entrance.

He could hear Lillian Garcia announcing him and hurried out to the entrance. Upon his entrance the crowd went nuts. He was surprised; he'd never gotten such a huge pop before! As he did his patented 'cobra' pose he could hear people screaming for him.

"Santino! Santino, I love you!"

He waved as he walked down to the ring, noticing that it was mostly the women in the audience who were yelling for him. The men were mostly standing around looking at their wives and girlfriends with puzzled expressions. The women were hanging over the barriers, straining to touch him. He saw one young woman crying and as he passed she seemed to faint dead away.

He climbed into the ring and pointed at the sky. The screaming fans grew even louder. Wow! He'd never experienced this kind of adoration before and he had to admit. He kind of liked it!

Lillian Garcia was still in the ring. The ref was trying to get her to leave but she only had eyes for Santino. The Miz was watching, confused as Lillian ran up to Santino.

"Santino, I have to tell you something," she gushed.

"Uh, Lillian, can it wait? I have a match right now!" Santino pointed out.

"No, no, it can't wait" she said, "I just wanted to tell you, I love you Santino."

Santino's mouth dropped open, "Uh, thank you Lillian, but really this is not the time…"

"No! You can't ignore me!" Lillian insisted, "I know you must feel the same way about me. Every time I announce your name, it's like you're the only person in the world. I love you Santino!"

The Miz had heard enough. He took advantage of the distracted Santino and bulldozed over him with a giant clothesline. Santino slammed so hard onto the mat that he bounced, the wind totally knocked out of him. He braced himself, expecting The Miz to land on him with both knees and start pounding his face in but it never happened. He looked up and saw Lillian Garcia on The Miz's back, pulling his hair and scratching at his face.

What the hell was happening? Santino staggered to his feet. From the corner of his eye he saw a small figure racing toward the ring. Who was that? A.J.?

A.J. bounced into the ring and began skipping, her eyes totally focused on Santino. Santino watched her warily, she was supposed to be quite crazy. She stopped skipping, stood and stared at him with a little smile on her lips. Behind her, The Miz had just succeeded in dislodging Lillian from his back.

A.J. suddenly jumped right into Santino's arms, wrapping her arms and legs around him.

"A.J.! What are you doi-?" He never got to finish the sentence as she grabbed him and kissed him. OK, this was getting a little too freaky! Under normal circumstances he would definitely enjoy getting kissed by a pretty girl but all these women seemed to have gone mad! He tried to pry her off of him but she was wrapped around him like a python!

Lillian Garcia finally got to her feet and grabbed A.J. by the hair, savagely yanking her off of Santino.

"Get your hands off of him. He's mine!" She screamed.

A.J. jumped on Lillian, and the two women went down in a screeching, hair pulling heap.

Oh god, he had to get out of here!

"Sorry Miz!" he yelled,"I forfeit the match, you win!"

He started to climb out through the ring ropes.

"YOU CHEATING BASTARD!"

He froze. Uh-oh.

Beth Phoenix appeared at the top of the entrance ramp, looking like an Amazon ready to go to war. Her blue eyes were blazing as she pinned him with her furious glare.

"How DARE you cheat on me, Santino! And with that little tramp A.J? I'll kill you both!"

She started striding out to the ring when yet another diva ran out. It was Kaitlyn.

She jumped Beth from behind, knocking her down with a double fisted blow to the back of the neck.

"Don't you dare lay a finger on MY boyfriend!" She shrieked. Beth rolled to her feet, holding the back of her neck and kicked Kaitlyn in the stomach, doubling her over.

"What the hell? Are they fighting over YOU? Have these chicks all gone crazy?" The Miz said, watching the fight at the top of the ramp.

Santino gulped, "I don't know," he said, "These, uh, women, you know, you never know what they gonna do!"

Three more diva's came charging out of the entrance, Kelly Kelly, Layla and Natalya. They skirted past the two fighting on the ramp and raced for the ring.

"Uh no, no, no!" Santino said in panic as he looked for a way to escape. Kelly Kelly and Natalya made it into the ring first, with Layla right on their heels.

"Santino!" Natalya cried, grabbing his hand, "I love you! Forget these other bitches and come with me!"

"NO!" Layla said, grabbing his other arm, "I love you! We can be happy together! You and me Santino!"

"NO! Let go you bitch!" Natalya shouted yanking him toward her.

"You let go!" Layla yelled back, pulling his other arm. Kelly Kelly, grabbed him around the waist.

"Santino. I'm the only one who really loves you!"

Santino couldn't answer. He was getting yanked back and forth between Natalya and Layla. Lillian and A.J. saw the other women in the ring and abandoned their fight to each grab Santino by a leg.

"Arrggh!" He yelled as he lost his balance and fell to the mat. The five women each had him by an arm or a leg, or in Kelly Kelly's case, the head and were screaming and trying to pull him toward her. He trapped, spread eagle and going to get ripped apart!

"EXCUSE ME!"

Silence fell over the arena at the sound of that screechy voice. Beth and Kaitlyn stopped fighting. The five women in the ring momentarily stopped their tug of war.

Vickie Guerrero appeared at the entrance way. She gave everyone a disgusted look as she raised the mic to her mouth again.

"EXCUSE ME!"

She began to walk down the ramp to the ring.

"This is supposed to be a professional wrestling match! Just what do you people think you're doing?"

She climbed the steel steps and ducked between the ropes into the ring. She stood over Santino and the five women trying to rip him apart.

Oh, thank god, at last, a voice of reason, even if it was Vickie. Santino flopped his head back onto the mat in relief and closed his eyes.

"You women are disgusting," Vickie said, "every single one of you! How dare you lay your hands on MY MAN!"

Santino's eyes popped back open in horror as Vickie practically belly flopped on top of him, straddled him and tried to kiss him.

"AAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHHH!" he screamed writhing away from her snaggle toothed mouth. Oh god! He found some reserve of superhuman strength as he thrashed and heaved, managing to free both his hands. He put his hand against Vickie's face a shoved as hard as he could, throwing her off of him. He grabbed the ring ropes and hauled his way to his feet as the woman grabbed and clawed at him. He felt the material of his singlet stretch, streeetccchhh and then rip. A hand smacked him on the butt. Someone tried to grab his hair but it was too short to afford much of a grip. He wriggled through the ring ropes, dangled, kicked and finally fell through to the hard floor around the ring. He bounded to his feet and bolted for the exit.

Kelly Kelly, A.J. Natalya, Layla, Lillian and Vickie were hot on his heels in pursuit.

"Santino!" they wailed, "Don't leave me! Santino!"

Beth and Kaitlyn were waiting for him at the top of the ramp. He feinted to the left and spun around Kaitlyn. Beth was smarter as she planted herself and waited like a defensive tackle. He feinted left, feinted right, then lowered his shoulder and plowed right into her. Beth, however, was one tough diva. She took the impact and managed to get him into a headlock. Santino struggled to break free, then, in desperation, threw a hard elbow into her stomach. She gasped and let go as he tore off backstage.

Santino raced through the hallways. In addition to the divas chasing him, some women from the audience had jumped the barriers and joined the pursuit. He could hear the growing crowd howling as they poured through the backstage area. Ron Simmons was about to come out of the men's locker room but jumped back as Santino flew by being chased by a crowd of about 150 screaming women.

He stared after the wild chase, then shook his head in disgust and said "DAMN!"

Santino had never run so fast in all of his life. His feet felt like they were just barely skimming the ground as he ran. His lungs were on fire and his heart was about to explode. He ran down to the talent parking area and jumped into the first limo he saw.

"DRIVE! DRIVE!" he yelled at the limo driver.

"What the hell?" The drive, a young man with short red hair, looked back at him in bewilderment.

"Dude, you gotta get out of here. This is Mr. McMahon's car, you'll-"

"We're going to die!" Santino screamed as the women began surrounding the car, pounding on the windows.

"Holy shit!" The driver exclaimed as he threw the car into gear and screeched out of the garage. The women kept chasing the car. Santino could see them out of the rear window, there must have been at least 500 of them in that crowd! Eventually, the car left them behind and finally there was blessed silence. Santino slumped in the backseat, eyes closed, breathing hard.

The driver glanced at him warily in the rearview mirror.

"Uh, are you OK buddy?" he finally asked.

Santino shook his head, "No, I am not OK. I just had hundreds of women who were totally in love with me chasing me and it was the worst experience of my life!"

"Uhm, whatever you say." The driver said. "Listen, fella, this is Vince McMahon's limo. I gotta get it back to the arena by the end of the show. Is there somewhere I can drop you off?"

Santino thought a moment, "Sure, I'm sorry about this. Just drop me off at the first hotel you see."

"OK" the driver nodded.

Santino put his hands over his eyes. As the limo rounded a corner, something hard bumped into his leg. He looked down and saw the battered oil lamp.

_What the hell?_

He slowly picked it up. It was definitely the same lamp. But he'd left it back in his car. How did it end up here?

"OK, dude. Here's a Holiday Inn."

Santino looked out the window at the familiar green and white sign. It would do.

"Thanks" he said getting out of the limo.

"Yeah, don't mention it." The driver said and sped off.

Santino was about to walk up through the entrance when he suddenly remembered he was still in his wrestling attire, with no wallet, no money and no identification. How would the clerk react to the sight of a sweaty little Italian guy in a torn wrestling singlet with no money or ID? Probably by calling the cops. What the hell was he going to do now? His eye fell on the lamp. Hmmmmmm.

He stepped around the corner of the building and rubbed the lamp.

Immediately, smoke poured from the mouth of the lamp. Santino took a step back as the smoke again formed in to the shape of a giant man. He still looked a lot like the Great Khali.

"I am the genie of the lamp. What is thy wish my master?"

Santino pointed an angry finger at the genie, "You screwed me! I told you I wanted to be attractive to women. Not that I wanted them to go completely crazy!"

The genie was nonplussed,"You wished to be irresistible to women. You did not specify which women, nor did you specify the degree of their attraction. I merely fulfilled your wish in the most accurate manner possible."

Santino shook his head, "You made them crazy! They wanted to kill me!"

The genie said, "You are familiar with the saying, _hell hath no fury like a woman scorned_? You should not have scorned them."

Santino threw up his hands, "How am I supposed to make all of them happy? "

The genie shrugged, "I did warn you to wish wisely. Now, what is your second wish?"

Santino rubbed a hand across his face, "well, I need money…wait…." He had to think this one through first. He would not make another mistake like last time. This was his second wish and he couldn't waste it.

"OK," he said after thinking a moment," I want one million dollars, in legal, REAL American dollars. I want them to be in 100 dollar bills, no weird 500 or 1000 dollar bills. I want them in a suitcase big enough to hold them all with nothing conspicuous on the outside to let people know I have a suitcase full of money."

The genie raised an eyebrow, "Are you through?"

Santino thought over what he'd just said, and then nodded, "Yes, I am done."

The genie raised his hands and clapped them, "Then it is done." He proclaimed and vanished.

Santino blinked. There, on the ground was a large suitcase. With slightly shaking hands he opened the zipper and found himself looking at straps and straps of beautiful 100 dollar bills.


	2. Chapter 2

Santino resisted the urge to throw the money up into the air and roll around in it and quickly zipped the bag back up. He'd have plenty of time to do that when he got up into his room and had some privacy. Now, all he had to do was figure out how he was going to check into the hotel.

He thought a moment, then opened the suitcase and took out one of the straps of bills. One hundred 100 dollar bills, he was holding ten thousand dollars in his hot little hands. It made him a little giddy. He peeled off ten of the bills and stuck the rest back into the suitcase.

He took a deep breath and walked through the front doors of the hotel. He could see the night clerk at the desk look up, and then do a double take as he saw the disheveled man dragging the large suitcase. Santino walked up to the desk, grateful beyond words the clerk was a man.

"Um, how can I help you sir?" The clerk said, looking him up and down.

"I need a room." Santino said as if half naked men walking into a hotel in the middle of the night was a perfectly normal thing.

"O…K sir. Do you have a reservation?" The clerk asked.

"No, I do not. " Santino replied.

"OK, "the clerk looked at his computer and tapped a few keys, "do you have any ID?"

"Yes, here is my ID," Santino said and handed the clerk two of the 100 dollar bills. The clerk's eyes widened when he saw the money. He looked around surreptitiously and nodded as he palmed the money.

"Why of course, Mr. Smith. I can find a room for you. Do you have a major credit card?"

"Yes, here you go," Santino handed him another 100 dollar bill.

"Ah, thank you Mr. Smith. And would you prefer a smoking or non smoking room?"

"Non smoking please, "Santino said, "With a king sized bed."

The clerk typed busily for a few minutes then nodded, "Yes, sir, I've got a king sized bed, non smoking room and a spectacular view over the city. That will be $152.35."

Santino handed him two more of the bills. "Keep the change." He said.

"Thank you, sir. Will you need help with your bag?"

Santino shook his head, "No, no. I can manage." He took his room key and headed toward the elevator. It had worked! Now, if he could only figure out how to get some decent clothes!

The room was large and comfy. The first thing he needed to do was take a shower. But what about his money? He didn't feel safe just leaving it sitting out in the room. He finally decided to bring the suitcase in with him to the bathroom and lock the bathroom door. At least he would be able to keep an eye on it.

Ahhhh, a shower never felt so good. He let the hot water sluice over him. All of those women pulling and pushing and clawing at him made him feel as though he'd gone a 60 minute match with The Big Show. He washed his hair and rinsed off before stepping out of the stall. He found a fluffy white hotel robe hanging on the door and put it on.

Now, this was more like it. He felt his stomach grumble. Hmmmm, he was a little hungry. Maybe he should look up room service. He stretched out on the bed and clicked on the TV.

"…the largest bank heist in state history. Again, the suspect is WWE wrestler Santino Marella. He is considered armed and extremely dangerous. If you have any information on the suspect please contact Clark County…"

Santino sat bolt upright in the bed. Wha-?

The news reporter had already gone on to the next story.

Wait, wait, wait!

He clicked the remote, frantically changing channels, trying to find another news report. There! A reporter was standing in front of a Wells Fargo Bank. There were so many police cars parked behind him it looked like a police convention.

"…at the scene of today's terrifying robbery. At 6:30 this evening a man dressed in nothing but a wrestling singlet, later identified as WWE wrestler Santino Marella, entered the lobby of this Wells Fargo bank. Brandishing a gun, he locked the tellers into a back room and forced the manager to open the vault. Once he cleaned out the vault, he locked the manager inside. All in all it is estimated he made off with approximately one million dollars. He is suspected to still be in the area. If you see him please do not approach as he is considered armed and extremely dangerous. Contact your local police department if you see this man. Again, the suspect is WWE wrestler, Santino Marella….."

The remote fell from Santino's slack fingers.

That damned genie did it to him again!

He grabbed the lamp and rubbed it furiously. Nothing happened.

"Damn it!" he shouted and the lamp against the wall.

What was he going to do now?

Flickering lights, red and blue splashed against his window. Oh crap. He crawled over to the window and peeked between the slats of the blinds. Two police cars were pulling up down in the parking lot. Oh no!

The clerk must have seen the news report and called the cops!

He leaned against the wall and slid down. What to do?

He looked around the room. He had to get out of here. How was he going to do that? He had no clothes and the lamp wasn't responding. He heard a sound out in the hallway. He rushed to the door and looked out the peephole. A hotel worker delivering room service was approaching down the hall. Santino watched and waited until he walked past the door, then darted out and got the man in a headlock.

"URK!" the man yelped before Santino shifted his grip and tightened it into a sleeper hold.

"I am very, very, very sorry," he apologized as the man stumbled, staggered and then went limp. Santino dragged him back into his room and quickly stripped off his clothes. Crap! He was taller and skinnier than Santino. The button up shirt strained at the buttons and he couldn't zip up the pants. The hems of the pants puddle on the floor around his feet. He rolled up the hems and pulled the tail of the shirt out covering the open fly. Hopefully, it would do.

He looked at the suitcase full of money, trying to decide whether to take it or if it would slow him down.

"Ooooh, "he whimpered and finally grabbed it. If he was being chased for it, might as well take it! He peeked out into the hallway, it was empty. He quickly walked toward the stairwell. As he passed the elevator, it dinged and the doors began to open. He bolted for the stairs.

"STOP! FREEZE!"

He threw a panicked glance over his shoulder and saw two police officers charging out of the elevator and running after him. He dropped the suitcase and dashed for the stairs. In the stairwell he could hear the pounding of feet coming up. Oh crap! He only had one way to go. Up. He pounded up the stairs, around and around until he came to the roof exit. It was locked. He'd never kicked a door open in his life but fear and adrenaline gave him superhuman strength and the door burst open at the first kick.

He ran out onto the roof. There was no where to go!

"STOP RIGHT THERE!" a voice shouted. He started to turn when a bullet went whizzing by his ear and almost made him piss his stolen pants.

"Don't shoot! Don't shoot!" he screamed, falling to his knees and holding his hands up over his head.

The next thing he knew, someone hit him hard in the back and he fell flat on his face. The cop jammed a knee into the small of his back and wrenched his arms back, slapping handcuffs on his wrists.

"Don't move scumbag!" The voice warned.

"I'm not moving! I'm not fighting!" he cried.

A strong hand grabbed him by the upper arms and hauled him to his feet. They brought him back inside the building and downstairs. The night clerk was talking to a fourth officer. When he saw Santino, he nodded vigorously. "Yep, that's him!"

They dragged him outside to the waiting police car and stuffed him in the backseat. He sat glumly, wondering how many years of prison he was looking at.

"Hi, there."

He glanced up at the police woman sitting in the driver's seat. She was looking at him in the rearview mirror.

"Hi," he said dejectedly. Oh, god. His poor mother, what was she going to think?

"My name is Karen, what's yours?"

He looked up confused. The police woman had turned around and was looking at him adoringly through the steel mesh that separated them.

"Wha-?"

He suddenly remembered. Of course!

He looked out the window. The other cops were still busy, talking to witnesses and retrieving the money from his room. For the time being he was alone with this woman in the car. He licked his lips and gave her a big smile.

"I'm Santino, Santino Marella. Are you a wrestling fan?"

She giggled,"No, but if knew the wrestlers were all as gorgeous as you, I might be!"

He laughed, "Well, if I knew all police officers were as beautiful as yourself, I'd get arrested more often."

She blushed and positively purred as she pressed against the mesh.

He cleared his throat, "Um, look, I gotta tell you, they think I robbed a bank, but I am totally innocent."

She nodded, "Oh yes! I can't imagine why they think you're the robber!"

"Yes, you see, the thing is. If I go to prison, I might not ever get to see you again. And I really think I'm falling in love." He gave her a sad look.

"Oh my god!" She breathed, eyes wide, "You feel it too? I thought it was just me! I never believed in love at first sight before!"

Santino put his forehead against the mesh ,"I know, me neither. It's too bad. We've just found each other and we're going to be parted so soon."

An angry look flashed across her face. "Not if I can help it!" she said. She turned and hit the lock button, locking all the doors. Then she threw the car in gear. The other police officers looked over in surprise.

"Hey! Where are you going?" Santino heard one of them yell.

She stomped on the accelerator and they peeled out of the parking lot.

Santino looked through the rear window and saw them scrambling to their cars.

"They're coming!" he shouted.

She looked grimly in the rearview mirror; "they're not going to catch us!" she shot back. She suddenly hauled on the steering wheel, sending the car into a 180 degree powerslide, throwing Santino against the door. She made a hard right turn into the first alleyway they came upon and then turned off the engine and the lights. 15 seconds later four police cars shoot by the alley, lights flashing and sirens wailing.

Santino's heart was racing. For a second he thought they were going to die!

Karen got out of the car and slipped into the backseat. "Finally, we're alone." She breathed.

"Yes…finally." Santino stammered, "Uhm, would you mind?" he twisted around so she could see his cuffed wrists.

"Oh, of course!" she said and quickly unlocked his handcuffs. Santino rubbed his wrists.

Karen dangled the handcuffs and smiled mischievously, "We could still use these, you know."

Santino gave her a weak smile and leaned away. How was he going to get away from her? He was vaguely aware of something digging into his back.

She was crawling over the seat, into his lap, oh jeez, she was nuzzling his neck. And what the hell was sticking in his back? He reached down and groped around and brought up…the lamp.

He stared at it, unbelievingly. Really?

"Oh, Santino. I love you!" Karen was saying.

"Yeah….I love you too." He said, trying to get out from under her, "In fact, let's play a game."

"A game?" she giggled, "How fun!"

"Yeah, a game! I'll be the police officer and you be the prisoner!" He said with what he hope was an appropriately suggestive leer.

"Ooooh, kinky!" she squealed. "Are you going to read me my rights?"

"Absolutely!" he said, grabbing the handcuffs. "Now, I'm going to cuff you because you are so dangerous." He gently closed the end of the cuff around one of her wrists.

"Are you going to show me your gun?" She said. He yelped as she grabbed him in an unexpected area.

"Um, yes, yes! But not yet!" he locked the other cuff around the opposite door handle.

She was stretched out across the back seat, laughing. Slowly, he started backing out of the car.

"OK, now I am going to get in the front seat because I have to take you into the station."

He grabbed the lamp and closed the back door. He acted liked he was going to open the driver door, then made a break for it, running down the alley.

"Santino?" he heard her confused voice. "Santino?"

He looked back and saw her sitting up in the back seat of the car.

"SANTINO!" Oh shit, now she sounded pissed.

He doubled his speed and was almost at the end of the alley when he heard gunshots. Crap, she was _shooting_ at him! He forgot to take her gun! He rounded the corner and ran as if his life depended on it. He forgot he was wearing stolen pants which wouldn't zip up and nearly tripped and fell on his face as they fell down around his hips. He yanked them up and kept running.

He must have run six blocks at top speed without stopping before he had to slow down, gasping for air. The highway was just ahead and he stumbled into the shadow underneath the overpass. He stopped, bent over, hands on his knees, feeling like he was going to throw up. Ah god, he needed to bump up his cardio.

He was still clutching the lamp and now he brought it up to look at it. He didn't know if it was his imagination or the streetlights but the lamp looked shinier, much less tarnished than when he'd first bought it. He sat down in the scrubby grass, and considered. The thing had brought him nothing but trouble. He should just toss it away. But how was he going to fix the mess his life had turned to?

He could hear the cars whizzing by on the highway above, smell the exhaust. There was a stiff breeze, he was getting cold. Well, he couldn't just sit here all night. He had to do something.

Santino rubbed the lamp.

Smoke gushed out, formed into a huge, humanoid shape.

"I am the genie of the lamp. What is thy wish, master?"

Santino leaped forward and furiously shook his finger in the genie's face.

"Look, you Khali looking fuck!" He said, "You screwed me again! I never robbed that bank! Now I'm a wanted felon!"

The genie looked back at him mildly, "I merely granted your wish, master. You did not specify where the money was to come from. "

"So you thought it would be a good idea to make me a bank robber?" Santino raged. "I thought making these wishes was supposed to help me! You've only made my life miserable since I bought your stupid lamp!"

The genie sighed, "You mortals are all the same. You rub the lamp, 'give me my wishes!' you say but you wish for selfish things. I did warn you to use your wishes wisely. You wish for things when you do not even know what it is you really want. I merely fulfill your requests, you are the one who make them."

Santino considered what the genie said and suddenly felt ashamed. It was true; so far he had only made selfish wishes. Why, the whole world was out there suffering and he was only thinking of himself. He could do so much good! He had the power to change the world with one wish. Maybe he should start using it.

"You are right, genie," he said slowly. "You are right."

He took a deep breath, closed his eyes.

"I wish for world peace!"

The genie said "It is done."

Santino slowly opened his eyes. Suddenly, the world had gone very, very quite.


	3. Chapter 3

At first it was so dark that Santino though he'd gone blind. Then, as his eyes adjusted to the dark, he realized all of the streetlamps were out. He stood up and walked out from beneath the overpass. It was dead quiet, no cars passed over head, he could literally hear crickets chirping.

He walked out onto the road. The road was packed with stalled cars. No…not stalled. These cars looked abandoned. Lights and engines were off. Santino frowned and approached the nearest car.

"Hello?" he called, "Is anyone in there?"

He got no answer. He peered inside, the car was empty. Strange.

He went from car to car, opening doors, searching, but they were all empty. He didn't understand. Where were all the people?

He wandered up the road in the darkness. With no streetlights he noticed the stars looked twice as bright as usual. The night was actually quite beautiful.

He spotted a small corner store up ahead. Like the street and the cars, it was dark with an abandoned air about it. He tried the door. It was unlocked. He cautiously pushed it open and poked his head in.

"Hello? Is anyone here?"

It was dead silent.

Santino walked in the store, "Hello?"

It was so silent his voice seemed to echo back at him. What the hell was going on here? His stomach growled, reminding him he hadn't eaten anything since breakfast that morning. Well, there was food here, he might as well. He rummaged around in the dark and found a package of beef jerky and a box of twinkies. He took them into the back room, ate and then curled up on the floor and went to sleep.

He woke up early the next morning, just as dawn was breaking and sat up, bleary eyed and scratching his head. For a moment he didn't remember where he was or what he was doing there but then he saw the half empty box of twinkies and he remembered.

He unwrapped a twinkie and munched on it as he emerged from the back room of the convenience store. Looking around, he could tell it was still empty. He was still alone. He made himself some coffee and ate a stale donut before loading up a bag with some bottled water and snacks. He had to find out where everyone went.

He walked out into the morning sunshine, blinking a little as he looked around. Just like last night it was quiet, so quiet that he could hear his own heart pounding in his ears. He cupped his hands around his mouth and yelled, "HELLO!"

His own voice echoed back at him but there was no answer. Santino shook his head. He didn't understand. Where had everyone gone?

He started to walk down the road when he suddenly realized something. There were dozens of abandoned cars with keys still in the ignition. Why not take one of them?

He slid behind the wheel of a Honda Accord and turned the key. It started right up. He put the car in gear and eased out onto the road.

It soon became apparent that maybe the car wasn't such a good idea. The roads were still clogged with cars, stalled exactly where their owners had left them when whatever had happened happened. He couldn't go half a block without having to get back out and move cars to clear the path. The third time he had to get out of the car he paused to assess his situation. This wasn't working. He needed to find something that could get passed the stalled cars, like a motorcycle or barring that a bicycle. He looked down the road and saw a grocery store. He had drank almost all of his water, it would probably be a good idea to get some more and stock up on better provisions.

The grocery store was just as empty as every other place. He walked in yelling, "HELLO?"

No answer.

The lights were out here to and the place was starting to smell slightly rotten, probably from the cold cases being out for nearly 12 hours. He avoided the cold items, instead getting more bottled water and some fruit. As he was browsing through the canned foods he spotted a very familiar bronze lamp on the shelf between the peas and the green beans.

He picked up the lamp and stared at it. This stupid lamp had caused him nothing but trouble since he found it. He had the urge to throw it on the floor and stomp on it with both feet but held it up and rubbed it with his sleeve.

Smoke poured out of the spout and coalesced into the familiar shape of the genie.

"What is thy wish, my master?" the genie intoned.

"OK, " Santino said, pointing his finger at the genie, "So, what is going on here? I asked for world peace and suddenly, everyone is gone? Where are all the people?"

The genie looked at him, with an arched eyebrow. "Do you not find it peaceful?" he asked.

Santino looked around, "Well, I guess, but where has everyone gone? I mean, I cannot find anyone."

The genie looked like he was suppressing an annoyed sigh. "There is no one else." He replied.

Santino blinked. He wasn't sure he'd heard that right, "Uh, say again?"

The genie repeated, "There is no one else."

"Are you saying I am the only person left in the world?" Santino yelled.

The genie didn't even blink, "That is what you wished for, master."

"I wished for world peace you stupid genie!" Santino looked as if he were about to pull his hair out.

The genie nodded, "Yes, and I have granted it. All wars have ceased. There's no more fighting, no more racial tensions. No more domestic violence, no more crime."

"NO MORE PEOPLE!" Santino shouted, jumping up and down. "You stupid, that's NOT what I meant, I wanted you to make people to get along! Not to make them disappear!"

The genie shrugged," You were not specific, master. So I used my best judgment."

Santino let out a primal yell of frustration."AAARRRRRRRGGGGHHHHH!" He picked up a can from the shelf and threw it at the genie. It passes right through his cloudy form. He kicked over a display of chips. He was having a right proper tantrum.

"I wish I never bought that stupid lamp!" he shouted.

…..Santino blinked as he looked at the old, battered oil lamp in his hands. The reflection of the sun off of the bronze must have gotten in his eyes. He turned the lamp over. Well, it was an interesting lamp but there was a large dent in the side. It was probably not worth buying.

He tossed it back in the cardboard box and glanced at his watch. Oops, he had lingered her longer that he'd meant. He needed to hustle to get to the arena. He had a match against The Miz tonight.

As he headed toward his car the middle aged woman minding the sale gave him a wave.

"Thanks for stopping! Have a nice day!" she said

"Thank you, you too!" Santino said and got in his car and drove away.

The woman walked over to the box and picked up the lamp he had been looking at. She turned it over in her hands and looked in the direction Santino had gone, chuckling. She gave the bronze an extra good polish with the sleeve of her shirt and placed it carefully on top of the pile in the box where the next customer would be sure to see it.


End file.
